Success can mean many things

Yesterday I accomplished a huge task. It was inspiring how well it went and the short amount of time it took. What was it? A shopping trip. To a French grocery store several miles away so I could buy imported food (pasta, canned veggies, granola bars, salsa, etc). And I did it with Atalie strapped to me in the Moby wrap (by far my favorite baby product, I couldn't survive without it). I don't do shopping trips requiring public transportation with her, it always seems so risky. Will I make it back before her nap? What if she's fussy? How can I carry all my groceries and her...on the bus?!? But I resolved to stick to the list and only get the things I can't get at my neighborhood grocery store, said a quick prayer for strength and joy, and went for it.

We took the bus 20 minutes to get there. Got my shopping done in record time - I was focused, trying to get home by nap time. I thought all was lost afterwards as we waited 15 minutes for the bus home. When it finally showed up, people were pouring out the windows (not really, but it was a very full bus). There was no way I was going to get on there with Little Miss Muffet strapped to me. And then, as the heavens parted and angels sang, a taxi pulled up to the curb. Had I been in a musical I would've broke out in song about perfect timing (or something like that). The taxi driver zipped me home. Atalie fell asleep about five minutes before we got back, but, another miracle, I was able to TAKE HER OUT OF THE MOBY AND SHE STAYED ASLEEP!!! Cue another song and dance. Birds were chirping, other woodland creatures danced and I got to take a nap! Just kidding, those last three things did not happen. Bummer. I would totally pay to see woodland creatures dance. Actually, in my concrete jungle of a city, I would just pay to see woodland creatures! Ha. 

Still, this is not a typical scenario. Oh, and I lucked out as she had a blow out right before we left. Can you imagine dealing with that on a bus? I don't want to. In the Moby wrap? Double gross. 

So, I felt pretty accomplished yesterday. Oh, and we have food to eat. Extra bonus. *fist bump*

Um, is she not the cutest? This is after I got her home and put her down. I love how she inches to the top of her crib and snuggles between her seahorse and lovey. Pure sweetness.

The things people say..

Awhile back I shared some of the cultural differences that Chinese have regarding pregnancy. The differences don’t stop there! After the baby is born there is a whole other set of rules to abide by for both the mom and the baby. In lieu of writing out a list, I will instead share with you all some of the advice, criticisms, warnings, whatever you want to call them, that people have been sharing with us. 

Baby leggings are not only cute, but also keep all the Chinese grandmas
from telling me my baby is cold. Win-win!

1) “Your baby is cold.” We have also heard, “Why is the baby not wearing clothes?” or “Is she cold?” Chinese don’t allow newborns to have any skin showing - at all! Even in August when it’s 90+ degrees and humid and your baby is sweating, they will still ask if the baby is cold because her legs aren’t covered. And Atalie? She is never cold. That girl is a furnace (just ask my mom). Our friend who came and did newborn portraits for us is trying to expand her photography business in China but is having difficulties because of this rule. Newborn portraits are a lot cuter if the baby is naked (or almost naked). She was telling me that she has to appeal to the grandparents because they are the ones who make all the decisions regarding the baby (another cultural difference - what grandma says goes), but hasn’t been very successful so far because no good Chinese grandparent would allow their grand baby to be undressed for that long of a period of time.

2) “You should take off your wedding ring, it can hurt the baby.” I’m not really sure if this is just a nurse being overprotective or if it really is a cultural thing. Either way, I was told this at the hospital. And no, I did not take off my wedding ring. 

3) “Your baby is hungry.” We were told this by the nurses every time Atalie cried at the hospital. Even if I had just fed her. And new-newborns aren’t starving, although nurses in China would have you think otherwise. In fact, right after Atalie was born she didn’t want to nurse (she had to have her stomach pumped, I’ll explain more when I post her birth story), however, the nurse on night duty insisted that Atalie nurse. It got to the point of Atalie screaming for an hour. Why couldn’t she just let her sleep? In China, it is also widely believed that colostrum is not good enough for the baby. Many hospitals supplement with formula until the mom’s milk comes in (if the mom breast feeds at all) and, I would guess, the majority of Chinese women don’t breast feed. If you don’t want them to give your baby formula, you have to be forceful in communicating that you will breast feed only. 

This past weekend at the park we drew a crowd,
along with a lot of questions, advice, etc.
(Atalie is in the yellow stroller)

4) “Don’t put your foot so close to the baby, she can smell your feet.” This was told to Steven by one of the nurses at the hospital. This is just funny. It’s his baby! I think Steven can put his feet wherever he wants near his baby…well, as long as I say it’s ok. ;-) And, for the record, Steven doesn’t have smelly feet. 

5) “What does she have in her mouth?” Chinese don’t use pacifiers. I’m not sure why not because some babies love them! It took Atalie awhile, but now she goes to sleep much faster when she has her pacifier. I’ve also been told by several random Chinese that the pacifier will “ruin her mouth.” I’m not sure where they heard that or why they think that. I just reply by saying that my doctor says it’s ok. 

6) “She must be one month old.” Or two months, four months…Chinese love to guess the age of your baby. And there’s a rule - neither the mom nor baby are supposed to leave the house for the first month. So, of course, when they say she is one month old I agree (to avoid getting yelled at). And when they ask her age I say one month (even though she won’t be one month old for another week). I’m glad Atalie is a long baby because she looks older than she is.

7) “There is no point in breast feeding your baby past six months. You should stop at six months.” This advice was given to me by a woman who I know, but not well enough for me to feel that she could make this comment. The cultural difference here is that other people feel it is their responsibility to give a new mother advice about everything - even if they don’t know what they are talking about. I’m not saying this person doesn’t know anything about breast feeding, she does have two grown children, but this is just one of the many pieces of advice she kept giving me when she came to visit. And she provided no reason for why you would stop breast feeding at six months. Sometimes I think Chinese make up advice to give you so they have something to tell you since giving advice is appropriate and expected. 

Awww! She’s so cute. But even with that bow we
will be questioned on if she is a boy or girl.

8) “Boy or girl?” Even when there is a flower or bow in her hair. I’m not kidding. On Sunday, we took her to church for the first time. I had three different people ask me if she was a boy or girl and she had a flower covered headband in her hair and was wearing a dress. This is just something I need to get used to answering. Chinese dress boys and girls in the same clothes when they are infants. That changes as they get older, but when they are babies there is not much gender difference in clothing, if any. 

These are just a few of the differences I have experienced so far with having a newborn baby in China. It’s hard at times to accept the differences and be polite instead of wanting to correct their misunderstanding or brush them off for unwanted advice, but I’m trying. 

Recently, I was reading in the Psalms after a late night feeding and found a passage that really spoke to my heart about the goodness of God as our Provider: 

Psalm 36:7-9

How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

In the midst of being overwhelmed by motherhood, exhaustion and navigating a culture that sometimes rubs the wrong way on my values, these verses are a reminder to take refuge in God and allow Him to sustain me with feast and drink. To submit myself to be washed in His fountain of life - to see His light. This is my prayer for the coming months as I continue to transition to motherhood (a hard enough task) in a culture that is not my own. May God show me His light so I may find His abundance and delights in the everyday. Even if I don’t like it.

Just one more. Because she really is the sweetest.
(This is her first Starbucks experience)

The limits of online shopping

Image courtesy of PCMag.com

I never realized that online shopping has its limits. I guess because usually when I buy stuff online, I have already decided or know exactly what I'm looking for and I buy that particular item online because it will get me a better price. Well, as a first time mommy trying to buy baby stuff online that I have never really taken the time to check out in a store, uh, it's harder than I thought. Why am I online shopping? Well, I live in China and many of the products that I think I want either aren't in China or are two to three times the price of the States. So, with friends coming to visit next month, I've been trying to buy stuff online to have brought over that we know we will need when the baby comes. In between moments of shopping bliss and complete frustration, I have realized that online shopping has its limits. 

Take for example online reviews. You can only rely on them so much! And then, which ones do you believe? The five star account telling you that it is the best product ever? Or the one star review saying that it broke within the first week of use? Being able to see the product in person would help to confirm a good or bad review. Especially for someone like me who doesn't like to do a lot of research. Reading review after review is tiring and overwhelming, not my favorite. 

Maternity clothes is another thing that is hard to buy online, especially when you've never gone shopping in person for them! Fortunately, I had a few friends here who had some maternity clothes that I could try on and see what sizes from which brands did or did not work for me. But, seriously, buying maternity clothes online when you don't know your size - not ideal. 

Some things you just need to see in person, like a diaper bag. At least for me, being able to touch and play around with and put things in a bag in person is way more helpful than reading a bazillion online reviews and looking at pictures and videos. And yes, they have helpful videos for diaper bags. But honestly, I just want to pick it out in person! 

Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for online shopping. I just also wish that it had a feature where I could step through my computer screen and try out the product. Although, even if that  feature was available, it probably wouldn't be recommended for pregnant women. :-)

Celebrating Thanksgiving Overseas

It's hard to find turkeys in China, but Taobao makes it easier.  Taobao is like eBay or Amazon in that individuals and businesses can sell items through their platform (each has their own storefront).  And fortunately for us, one of those items is imported foods.  Like turkey!  This year we went with two Norbest turkeys and they showed up at my door less than 24 hours after I placed my order.  Shipping in China amazes me.  

My friend and I modeling the new double oven and occupants. :-)*

So, my friend and I tackled cooking the turkeys.  Neither of us had cooked a turkey before, but armed with a lot of confidence and Martha Stewart recipes, we jumped right in.  It was a total success!  Surprising, right?  Since we were hosting at our house, we cooked the turkeys here to save time transporting them and such.  Well, our teeny oven could barely hold one turkey so I borrowed another one.  My new double oven was more than adequate for the task!  It was a bit tricky basting the bird in the top oven, but we quickly learned that tag teaming was the way to go.  I will interject here that the next day my biceps were very sore.  We got our workout in lifting those turkeys in and out!

The football participants (and Samson - they needed a sixth man)*

We made a whole day of Thanksgiving.  Activities focused on thankfulness (or "thanksgivities" as they were dubbed) were shared throughout the day to bring our attention to being thankful.  We started with lunch, followed by some football for the boys and then topped it all off with some of the best tasting food I have had in awhile.  Last year, I made the green bean casserole from scratch.  It was time consuming and I had to remake the fried onions (yes, you can make your own!).  This year, a friend of ours who parents were visiting brought in the necessary components for a green bean casserole.  Canned foods baked in a casserole dish never tasted so good.  

"Brian" the brined turkey*

"Chester" the cheese clothed turkey (see Martha's recipe)*

Rolls, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn casserole, salad and Beijing duck finished off the menu. We didn't have enough plates, glasses or silverware, but friends willingly donated their wares to adorn the table in a mismatched fashion that worked out pretty well.  The tablecloth I found on Taobao (I tell you that site is amazing).  Thankfulness abounded as we sat around and shared food, smiles and warm conversation.  Dessert was readily accepted and three hours after carving up Brian and Chester (yes, we named the birds), people slowly and sluggishly pushed themselves away from the table.  

The table setting - red plates over here, purple over there :-)*

Enjoying ourselves*

I'm so thankful for this community of friends we were able to share this Thanksgiving with!  It was an amazing day and as we sat and shared in the meal, my heart was happy.  God has blessed us so much in this foreign land - even giving us turkey!  We have a lot to be thankful for. 

Turkey coma!*

*All photos courtesy of Taylor 

Hubby's Birthday Tribute

The Hubby had his 30th birthday earlier in September.  That week was super crazy for us (more on that later), so I didn't really get a post up.  Actually, we didn't really do anything for his birthday.  Next week, the Hubby is traveling to Chiangbai mountain in Northern China with a friend - and he requested that be his birthday present.  On his actual birthday, we celebrated by the two of us going out to dinner at Element Fresh. The weekend after, our friends invited us over for cake because their son also had a birthday the same week.  So, yes, The Hubby did get cake. :-)  My contribution was magic relighting candles.  It was funny. 

Attempt number 4, 5? on blowing out the candles. Ha!

I'm so thankful for my wonderful Husband.  He has been such a blessing to me, from his spreadsheet skills to his willingness to help with laundry, I appreciate him everyday (even if I don't do a good job showing it).  I am thankful for his insight and wisdom, desire for transparency, conflict resolution style, passion for learning language, desire for God to use us in dynamic ways, loyalty to me and his friends, passion for community, the way he brings people together, leadership of us and others and many more amazing attributes.  I am one lucky lady!  And we are very blessed.  

Happy (belated) Birthday to the man of my dreams!

A day in the life...

Our beautiful city on a somewhat clear day

Today as I was rushing out the door to class, answering questions for the Ayi and trying to remember my plans for the day, I was thinking how every day really has a flavor all its own.  And this blog, meant to capture those moments, has been sitting idle as I try to grasp how to write down in words what our lives here are like.  Then it hit me - just write about one day.  One day full of language barriers and cultural differences that absorb our lives.  One day can show a lot (and in my defense, this post might be several days put together).  

On Tuesdays, Ayi comes.  She's our house help and I have her coming twice a week to help out with washing dishes (we don't have a dishwasher), dusting, sweeping, mopping and cleaning the bathroom.  She is a huge blessing!  Especially now that I am in language class, my capacity to clean my house has dwindled.  Knowing that I can host others anytime without stressing over the fact that I haven't mopped the floor in two weeks, well, let's just say it's liberating. 

7am - We get up and get ready for the day.  Ayi is supposed to come at 8, however, she has been coming around 7:30.  We had to have our friend call and ask her to come no more than 5 minutes early; 5 minutes early is fine, 30 minutes early is not.  I make coffee, jump in the shower and make sure I have Ayi's task list for the day ready to go.   

Construction going on in our complex to replace
the sewer lines has disturbed our sense of harmony. No
more afternoon naps for me!

8am - Ayi shows up and gets going on dishes.  We retreat to the office to get some work done.  Sometimes it is email or I do homework for class.  Usually we also use this time to read the One Year Bible.  On Monday, Wednesday & Friday I have class from 8 to noon, but on Tuesday and Thursday, class doesn't start until 10:30 so I have some extra time at home (which is heavenly).  

9am - Ayi interrupts to show me the sink is leaking.  Then we notice that the TV & computer screen seemed to have been cleaned with pledge...hmmm.  How to address this?  One of the difficulties of having an Ayi is communication.  Not only the language barrier, but also the cultural barrier.  How do I correct her without making her lose face?  (If you don't know what face is...well...that's another post)  I proceeded to ask her if she used pledged to clean the TV.  She said no, and then showed me the glass cleaner.  After trying to articulate why she can't use it, which I didn't do so well, I finally had to just tell she can't use it and showed her how I would like her to clean it.  This also happened with the rug in the office.  She kept moving it in order to vacuum it, which involved pulling it out from under the couch and putting it back without the nonslip mat underneath.  Today, she took the nonslip mat and folded it and put it in the spare bedroom.  So, as much as I didn't want to correct her twice, I went and got the nonslip mat and asked her why she put it in the other room.  I did not understand her answer.  At all.  Instead, I played charades and showed her how I could slip on the rug and fall if the mat was not underneath it.  I wish I could've gotten it on video.  Anyways, it communicated my point. 

10:30am - I bike the 20 minutes to class.  Did I mention it's 90F degrees outside?  And I bike uphill - both ways!  I know, I'm saving these stories for posterity's sake.  Today, just after entering campus, I rode by a kitten that appeared to have just been hit by a car.  It was sad.  Sadder still, there was a Chinese student who stopped to take its picture.  In my class are students from the US, Kazakstan, Pakistan, Iran, Korea and Vietnam.  The Koreans have terrible pronunciation and at any given time, only about the half the class knows what's going on.  Our teacher is moving us through the book really fast.  We have about 6 weeks left & 9 lessons left to go.  I have a feeling we are just going to plow through regardless of who is keeping up.  My favorite class moment is when our teacher asks, "Do you understand?" To which half of us will respond with blank stares or a resounding "no."  However, unless someone asks a specific question, she just chuckles and moves on.  没问题!

12pm - I head back home for lunch.  Traffic isn't as crazy as it is in the morning (especially at 8am), but I'm still dodging bikes and pedestrians and trying to stay out of the way of the city buses (which kind of go wherever they want).  And now it's hotter and I'm thinking I might need to shower again when I get home.  Once home, we have lunch - usually tuna sandwiches or mac and cheese, and then spend time working, doing homework, language tutoring, staff or business meetings, etc. Afternoons are usually pretty busy and it's unusual to find us both home.  If it's Monday, Wednesday or Friday I try to sneak in a nap, too (but usually fail) - four hours of class really drains your brain!

What's a blog post without a picture of Samson?

5pm - Time to start dinner, what to have?  Right now, bird flu is a big deal over here so chicken is hard to find.  When I do cook, I usually cook Western food.  Nachos are a staple for us.  Though right now finding tortilla chips has become an issue.  Surprisingly, refried beans, salsa and tortillas are easy finds around town at various import stores.  I'm becoming a pro at cornflake chicken, but that's hard to make happen when they're pulling chicken off the shelves.  I guess it's pork.  And asparagus just came in season!

7pm - We have friends over on Tuesday and Thursday nights for study time.  We love having them over!  During a recent camping trip, several friends were worried about the Hubby because they have noticed that we "always eat sugary food" and there was no sugary food on the camping trip.  Ha!  I think I need to stop feeding our friends cookies and pop when they come over to visit!  I promise we don't eat that much sugary food.

9-10pm - Our friends slowly leave and we collapse on the couch.  We made a new rule recently regarding TV time - no TV after 7pm.  It has actually helped us sleep better, I think.  Though sometimes we do break down and watch a TED talk or the NBC News podcast at night before bed.   We also recently bought a used Xbox, so I have a feeling the TV rule is vetoed until the novelty wears off.  This is our wind down time, unless we play cribbage, then we get our game on (and, for the record, cribbage is one game I usually win). 

That is pretty much a typical day.  Sometimes there are grocery runs, stops at the market for fresh fruits and veggies (mangos are in season - yum!), fabric market shopping, business meetings, or any other array of things that require time because something went wrong.  It's also a long day when we take the subway across the city, but luckily that's only once or twice a week.  Every day has new surprises (like today when Ayi tried to take all our homemade cookies) and every day we are thankful for the opportunity to explore and experience this city!

Christmas Party Time

Last night, on the eve of Christmas eve, we hosted a Christmas party for our friends, new and old.  It was an evening filled with laughter and food - lots of food!  I think we made enough cookies to feed an entire city block (especially in China, they're not too keen on sweets).  

After everyone arrived, we gathered around for a gift exchange game that the Hubby played growing up.  It is all sorts of craziness.  Dice are passed around (we played with three sets), and every time someone rolls doubles, they get a gift and they get to roll again.  After all the gifts in the middle are opened, we went around the circle to share so everyone could see the goods obtained, and then the Hubby set the timer for 15 minutes during which you could steal someone else's gifts every time you rolled doubles.  It got a little physical. :-) At the end of the 15 minutes, some people had 5 or 6 gifts, some had none.  Everyone without a gift stole from anyone with 2 or more gifts.  The best part?  There's no limit to the amount of times a gift can be stolen!  Oh yeah, it got real. 

There had to be a disclaimer that the baby was NOT part of the gift exchange.  

"What? A whoopee cushion? I want that..."

After the game, we read the Christmas story combining the gospels of Luke and Matthew along with Old Testament prophecy proclaiming the coming of the Messiah.  

And then our friend got out a guitar and led us in some pretty awesome Christmas carols (if I do say so myself).  It was amazing.  Since we do live in China, we also sang Silent Night in Chinese.  There is something special about worshipping God and celebrating Christ's birth in two languages.

It felt like a true celebration of Christmas.  This time of year is hard for us to be away from all our family and friends back home, but we are thankful for the relationships and new traditions we get to make on this side of the ocean.  

We hope you all have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior!  It is such a meaningful time of year.  May the Lord bless you and may the Light of the season shine in your hearts, your homes and bring you joy throughout the year to come!

Home

My sister with Grandma this summer

I feel like the title home fits well with this post as it has multiple meanings for me right now.  Home is here, in China.  I feel like this is our home.  Home is family.  Part of our hearts are always with family in the states wishing we could be closer.  Home is heaven, with Jesus.  A promise made to those who choose to follow and obey.  Home is the life we used to have (familiarity) and the life we now live (reality).  

On Sunday, my Grandma went home to be with Jesus.  She was surrounded by family as she took her final breath.  Family was there all weekend singing to her, encouraging her and spending time by her side.  I am confident that Grandma could not have asked for more and was at peace knowing her family was by her side.  It's a hard reality for us, being so far away, and not being able to jump in the car and join everyone with Grandma.  But yet, we know we are where we need to be. 

Home is here.  In China.  Today I was in a taxi driving across the city and I just kept thinking how normal it all felt.  Even though my heart is heavy and I am sad not to be with family, I feel like I am home.  There is nowhere else we're supposed to be.  This reality does not dampen the heartache of losing those we love in the states.  I think grief definitely looks different when you are half a world away, the feeling of closure isn't a reality for me.  However, I still feel the loss.  The knowledge that Grandma no longer with us and the heartache that brings.  Thankfully, no matter where I would be living, we all have great peace in knowing that Grandma loved Jesus and is now with Him.  She had a homecoming the day we experienced a goodbye.  

This week we also found out that our (former) dog Coco had to be put down.  She got into some medications and it fried her central nervous system leaving her paralyzed.  Her new family did all they could, but there was nothing left to do for her.  Reading this news was heartbreaking in so many ways.  We are sad, we know her new family is incredibly sad and the tragedy of it all is just hard to think about.  Coco was, technically speaking, no longer our dog.  However, we had her for almost three years as part of our lives.  "Home" in the states consisted of her in it.  I think it was even harder for me because over the past several weeks I have been thinking of both Coco and Nala several times, remembering their personalities and the joy of having them be part of our lives.  

Home is in China.  Home is with family.  Home is heaven.  Home is here.  This is our new reality.